Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Hotel, 5 Minutes and a Little Grace

While I'm writing this, I'm laying in bed in my jammies with my baby girl.  She thinks I'm doing a lot of work haha!  What a week!  We've been on our first trip to Chattanooga and had a great time! But let me be totally honest. 4 days in a hotel with two small active children would make the most saintly mother crazy!  I know you'll be shocked, but the people in the room next to us called the front desk to complain about the noise....my response? This ain't the Ritz.  Kids are kids and it was 3 in the afternoon.  My kids think living in a hotel was the coolest thing ever!  They stayed up late, swam in the indoor pool a thousand hours and just plain ole had a grand time.  I enjoyed seeing them have a new experience.  We went to a kids museum where we learned about liquid density and dug for fossils! We spent the day in Knoxville with old friends shopping for new babies (always a favorite of mine). Mostly we spent 4 days as a family just hangin out.

What I wouldn't give for just 5 minutes alone in the bathroom with out SOMEONE calling my name haha!  The weekend was full of new experiences for me too!  Namely how do I balance their need for me with my need to potty alone?  At one point they were both standing out side the bathroom door talking to me at the same time AAHHHHH!!!  So we made a new rule...when mommy is in the potty no one can talk to her.  That lasted twice....sigh...oh well...at least they want to talk to me.  And once we got home yesterday it was better.  Thank you God for giving a super nice home with lots of room....and doors that lock!  What a great time I've had and what a blessing to be learning through the struggles and growing pains.

I've learned this week a whole new appreciation for God's Grace. How undeserving I am to have been given such a gift.  I was reminded of this gift shortly after the bathroom incident (when everyone was trying to talk to me through the hotel bathroom door).  It was on day 3 of our hotel stay and sadly, I flat lost it.  I must have looked like a crazy lady yelling at everyone to "just give me 5 freakin minutes alone in the bathroom to my self!"  Of course then everyone scattered (as far as they could in a tiny hotel room). Immediately I was reminded that I do the same thing to God.  With little or no patience I talk to Him and tell Him what I need and when and how much and for how long and why not now and can't you hurry and do you HEAR ME? And He never. loses. patience. Instead of yelling at me, my Father patiently listens to every request and when I throw a fit like my 4 year old He calmly waits then offers me Grace.  An undeserved reaction of love and peace when I deserve a swift kick in the butt.  This was never more evident than when (after my 5 minutes haha) I came out and apologized to my kids, who where quick to come hug me and my 8 year old said "it's ok mommy, we still love you" Wow...how humbling.  God uses my kids everyday in amazing ways to teach me that I'm no different from them with I'm in my relationship with Him.  I'm thankful today that I am not who I was, grateful that I have people who love me as I am, and so very excited about who God is working me into being.  With His help, one day I will be all I was created to be.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Day 1 - Dominated!!!

I know what you're thinking right..."Anyone can be a good mom for one day, let's see how's she's doing in a month or two."  Haha!! It's ok! I thought the same thing a little while ago, but you know what? I'm not going to belittle my first step.  Being a mom is tough PERIOD! Whether you work or not it's never easy navigating this world with little ones in tow.  Life is full of road block and obstacles and growing pains.  Today was a good day, a really good day.  So here's my philosophy in this journey...I'm going to have blow out celebrations for every little milestone, miracle, happy day or even ordinary days.  When they're not fantastic, well, I'll just be glad that God promises HIS mercy is renewed daily and that he gives me each day what I need to make that THAT day good.

Today was full of hugs and laughs.  Trying to mediate peace between male and female, 8 and 4, well we didn't make it ALL day with no drama but when the good out weighs the bad, it's a good day.  I cleaned (a lot compared to last week haha), I shopped (suitcases are expensive), I played video games with Will and babies with Gracy.  Most of all, today I saw God...it every small thing that went on around me.  In the hugs of an 8 year old boy and the kisses of a 4 year old girl.  I am blessed beyond measure and grateful beyond words. I am clinging to the promises of God and praising Him all the way!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Optimistically Schizophrenic

Well, it's official.  I'm no longer employed....wow.  I am intentionally unemployed and we didn't move somewhere.  I have no excuse.  To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel yet.  This week I met a young lady who asked me (more than once) if I was schizophrenic.  When she asked me that we were discussing how I was feeling about quitting to stay home. I told her I was excited and sad all at once.  I have been working as a secretary for nearly half of my life (haha that makes me sound old...I'm not).  I've seen so many changes in what's status quo for that position.  I've been so lucky to work in many different industries, from manufacturing, to professional services, to religious.  I have learned so much and worked with some incredible people. So much of who I am as a woman is tied up in what I  do professionally.  I think it's this way for every woman who's ever held a full time job out side of the home for any length of time.

I'm working through a book and a bible study in my personal times right now.  Beth Moore's Esther, It's tough being a woman and Victory Over the Darkness.  God's timing is impeccable as always.  This week when I've struggled with letting go of who I think I am (and have always been) to embrace something new, God has worked in my life to remind me who I really am and who he's called me to be.  I am first and foremost HIS beloved daughter, called to his purpose, fully equipped and capable through him to do what he has laid in my destiny to do. I am a wife. Entrusted with a man who is not perfect and just as in need of grace and mercy as I am...I AM his helper, his companion, his support. I am a mother. Entrusted with the next generation of believers. Given the tasks and privileges of growing Godly children who can function in a lost world. Beyond these three He has called me to serve others, love the lost, and be a light. Shew! Glad He loves me even when I'm NOT these things.

As I make this transition from one lifestyle to the next I find that I am sad that one part of my life that has held so much joy and meaning and self worth for me is over. I will miss the sense of fulfilment that comes at the end of every week. I will miss the people that I see every day. But don't doubt for even one second that this is where my story ends.  I know that I will find new joy and meaning as the weeks go by.  I am learning everyday that my self worth is not tied up in some job I perform but simply in being who I am in Christ. I know that the senses of fulfilment will now come from a new set of skills yet to be learned and from two small children who think I'm the best mom on the face of the planet.  I hope that by the Grace of God some how I will not let them down, but will exceed not just their expectations but mine as well.  Because I believe with every fiber of my being that just as the bible says, I have been chosen (by God) for times such as these and that I can do all things that God has called me to through Christ who gives me strength.  So I'll end this week by saying this, I am optimistically schizophrenic and completely ok with it.

Love you all!