Optimistically Schizophrenic

Well, it's official.  I'm no longer employed....wow.  I am intentionally unemployed and we didn't move somewhere.  I have no excuse.  To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel yet.  This week I met a young lady who asked me (more than once) if I was schizophrenic.  When she asked me that we were discussing how I was feeling about quitting to stay home. I told her I was excited and sad all at once.  I have been working as a secretary for nearly half of my life (haha that makes me sound old...I'm not).  I've seen so many changes in what's status quo for that position.  I've been so lucky to work in many different industries, from manufacturing, to professional services, to religious.  I have learned so much and worked with some incredible people. So much of who I am as a woman is tied up in what I  do professionally.  I think it's this way for every woman who's ever held a full time job out side of the home for any length of time.

I'm working through a book and a bible study in my personal times right now.  Beth Moore's Esther, It's tough being a woman and Victory Over the Darkness.  God's timing is impeccable as always.  This week when I've struggled with letting go of who I think I am (and have always been) to embrace something new, God has worked in my life to remind me who I really am and who he's called me to be.  I am first and foremost HIS beloved daughter, called to his purpose, fully equipped and capable through him to do what he has laid in my destiny to do. I am a wife. Entrusted with a man who is not perfect and just as in need of grace and mercy as I am...I AM his helper, his companion, his support. I am a mother. Entrusted with the next generation of believers. Given the tasks and privileges of growing Godly children who can function in a lost world. Beyond these three He has called me to serve others, love the lost, and be a light. Shew! Glad He loves me even when I'm NOT these things.

As I make this transition from one lifestyle to the next I find that I am sad that one part of my life that has held so much joy and meaning and self worth for me is over. I will miss the sense of fulfilment that comes at the end of every week. I will miss the people that I see every day. But don't doubt for even one second that this is where my story ends.  I know that I will find new joy and meaning as the weeks go by.  I am learning everyday that my self worth is not tied up in some job I perform but simply in being who I am in Christ. I know that the senses of fulfilment will now come from a new set of skills yet to be learned and from two small children who think I'm the best mom on the face of the planet.  I hope that by the Grace of God some how I will not let them down, but will exceed not just their expectations but mine as well.  Because I believe with every fiber of my being that just as the bible says, I have been chosen (by God) for times such as these and that I can do all things that God has called me to through Christ who gives me strength.  So I'll end this week by saying this, I am optimistically schizophrenic and completely ok with it.

Love you all!
Jenn