Tuesday, August 9, 2011

New Insecurities & A New Month

A month....such a short time in the span of a life. But man, what changes God can make in a month.  It has amazed me, how did I ever have time for a job?  When did my kids get so mouthy? Why is everything on my nerves haha?  I can only imagine that every woman making the transition from full time employee to full time mom must have these thoughts.  If not, don't tell me, I'm already feeling a little guilty!

What. Was. I. Thinking.  This is hard.  Because the truth is, my house is not spotless, I'm not Mary Poppins.  My kids aren't perfect and I don't want them to be.  They are screamin, fightin, toy throwin, no pickin up their trash kids.  They are getting on my nerves haha!  AND I miss my job!  Some one tell me I'm not alone.

I knew this whole adventure would be more than I could even imagine.  I have loved every blessed second, even when I was dealing with meltdowns, arguing, crying, and the endless mess that comes with kids who know how to be kids. I started this blog with the thought that I would document everything.  Not just the happy sunshine and roses posts but an honest look at what this new adventure really is.  I almost didn't even write this post.  You see, no one wants the world at large to know that this isn't easy and we're not perfect.  We want to show up in public never having a day with well dressed (or at least clean) and well mannered kids.  We want to look like we have it together.  Because if "they" really knew...shew...no one would like me...much less love me.  So I decided, in all my 32 fantastic years of wisdom, to be transparent...lay it all out there.  Give some one the courage to do what God is calling them to despite their fears or worries. Tonight was a gut check. It is hard to admit my sweet little angel babies are holy terrors.  It's hard to admit that while I want this life still, that today working doesn't seem so bad.

I am unfailingly grateful that I serve a God who knows my moods.  That I have a Father who sees MY unholy tantrums and behavior and loves me just as I am.  That I have one safe place to turn and cry out to, one mighty God who created me for this purpose that he has set before me.  That humbling feeling that even after today when they've made me insane that God has entrusted the lives of the two precious babies asleep in their beds to me...with all my short comings and imperfections. Wow...Jesus, help me with my perspective.  Create in me a clean heart with pure motives.  As I practice patience with my children, remind me of your patience with me.  Help me take one step at a time in your direction, guide me as their mother on your path. Help me love them better...help me love them like you do.

1 comment:

  1. His grace is sufficient for you Momma. HE is glorified in your weakness!!!! Be weak & proud of it! Ask Him for His help, and then give Him all the glory. (I know you know, but we all need reminders of this from time to time.) I appreciate your honesty in this post!