Jesus and Christina Aguilera

Shew! The end of July has been a whirlwind.  When I quit working I worried about what in the world I would do for a month before school started....haha....silly woman.  We had a great time in Texas and even hijacked my cousin Sarah for a few weeks and brought her home with me.  She's been a blessing beyond her knowing.  She's brought me joy and pushed me to be better.  I'm so glad she's been here.

Some of you know and some don't, I joined a gym.  Laughable right?  Me, the girl who's always said I'm just fine the way I am and meant it with all my heart.  Unlike a lot of women I've been large my whole life.  I don't have memories (or clothes in my closet) to remind me of when I was petite.  I thank God for that, I have no expectations to live up to.  When the personal trainer asked me "When and what size were you your most happy?" she seemed surprised when I answered, I've never been UN-happy.  Now that's not to say I haven't wished to be smaller or have a perfect body, I mean come on what girl hasn't looked at picture and said/thought "if only I looked like that I could be happy".  But for the most part I'm content.  I love food haha! But as I've passed 30 I've started to notice that life has gotten harder to live.  I'm tired and my stairs kill me.  I want to be around for my kids and I don't want to look like shamoo when my grandkids get here haha! So I joined a gym.  With thoughts of starting slow with no results.  Then Sarah happened.  She told me to suck it up and move my fat but hahahaha!  Because of her, the first week I lost 7 pounds! And I didn't pass out or die.

Yesterday started week two.  I walked on the treadmill and worked out with weights.  I've never been an exerciser (obviously).  But in my list of one day wishes, I've always wanted to run.  There seems to me to be a sort of freedom in running.  It's my goal...to learn to be a runner.  But I'm afraid.  What if I can't, what if it hurts, what if I try all this and fail? Once a week I have a small index card book that I write in a read.  It's full of my favorite scriptures.  I was reminded yesterday of the promises I cling to, of all the things I was made for, of the the gifts and strengths God has given me.  So yesterday I got back on the treadmill to cool down and was thinking of scripture when I decided to run.  Christina Aguilera's song Beautiful came on my ipod while I ran...it was like a hug from God.  I truly felt beautiful for the first time in a long time.  A sweaty and nasty and breathing hard kind of beautiful.  God is my portion and my strength and I am not afraid.  Right after that Carrie Underwood started singing How Great Thou Art and I started crying.  It was a shock to me.  I really can do this.

For me, yesterday was a release.  I think some times I put this label on God.  A label that says he's here for me emotionally or spiritually.  I've heard him heal (and seen it myself) people who or sick or need a physical touch.  But yesterday, when I prayed for strength and courage to begin my goal he was right there for me.  ME, the woman with every I can't excuse. He helped me take all the excuses away.  He gave me time, a husband who supports me, friends and family who are pushing me, and most of all he gave me the want to. I really can do this....with his help, I really can. What freedom there is in Jesus.